My Life As I Know It

November 8, 2008

2010-11-08T11:27:00.006-05:00

Two years ago today, Brian asked me to be his wife. Life hasn't been the same since. I can honestly say I love Brian more today than I did when he asked me to marry him. We didn't know what life would bring when we embarked on this journey together, but we did promise to be there for one another. Our lives have changed so much in these last two years. We didn't know that within four months of being married we would be pregnant. Now we are parents and we wouldn't have it any other way. Brian is an amazing father--he is so wonderful with Cameron. I love watching the two together. He talks to Cameron about everything--Cameron already knows all the Duke basketball statistics and stories.

Brian is also an amazing husband. God truly blessed me with my life mate--he was the guy I prayed for all those years. Brian is my best friend, my confidant, and my life. I love being with him and doing things with him. I love that he is the father of my child and our future children. Marriage isn't easy-it's definitely give and take--but I truly love being Brian's wife.

Yes, I will never forget the day Brian asked me to marry him. My life changed that day and has never been the same.

Darius Rucker sings it best in his song "This", "Thank God for all I missed, cause it led me here to this."

Cameron's Birth Story

2010-08-30T12:27:00.003-04:00

Where do I begin? Cameron Duff Jones was born on Saturday, July 31, 2010 at 10:37 am. I delivered at New Hanover Regional Medical Center in Wilmington, NC. My pregnancy went really well. I felt good through most of pregnancy except toward the end. I was big and uncomfortable. Sleeping was beginning to be a problem because I made numerous trips to the bathroom during the night and I could only sleep in one comfortable position. As it got closer toward Cameron's birth my patience got shorter. I could not wait to meet our little man.

As some may know, our anniversary was on August 1. Brian and I knew we couldn't make a trip for our anniversary because my due date was August 6. We decided we would celebrate our anniversary by staying in Wilmington on our anniversary weekend. We reserved a room at the Hampton Inn across from the hospital "just in case" I went into labor. We made sure we packed our hospital bag and anything Cameron may have needed. I honestly did not think Cameron would come into the world the day before our first anniversary. Only July 30, I had my 39 week appointment at my doctor in Wilmington. I was already dilated to almost a four when she checked me that Friday. She decided to "strip my membranes"(very very uncomfortable)to see if that would speed things up. She told me that she felt like I would not make it through the weekend and I would go into labor. I was in a bit of denial because I knew that first time pregnancies normally went over the due date. After leaving the appointment, Brian and I went to the mall and walked. We walked that mall up and down. I felt uncomfortable throughout the day, but not enough to say I was in active labor. After a relaxing afternoon and evening, we decided to call it a night. About 1:00 am I started to have major cramping and I thought "could this be it?" I timed how long the cramps lasted and the time in between each cramp. I laid there over an hour before I woke Brian and told him I was having contractions. I had worried I wouldn't know if I were in active labor, but let me tell you there is no mistaking a labor contraction. It literally stopped me in my tracks and all I could say was ouch. About 2:45 am I decided it was time to go to the hospital. Thank goodness it was only across the street from the hotel. When I got to the hospital I was dilated to a six. Brian called my parents and his parents to let them know it was time. The pain was beginning to become unbearable and I knew I had to have an epidural. My epidural worked wonders and I felt little pain. I was still uncomfortable but I was a lot more pleasant.

After laboring actively about nine hours, I pushed for 20 minutes and Cameron Duff Jones was born. The moment was surreal. I can't fully describe it in words, but it was one of the greatest moments of my life. I looked at this little life that I harbored inside of me for nine months. The love I felt for him was immediate. I loved him before his birth but to see him and touch him was amazing.

Cameron will be one month old tomorrow (August 31). What I have learned in the last month I can't fully describe. Brian and I have learned to live on less sleep. The first week Cameron was home was the most challenging. He would sleep during the day and stay awake at night. He has gotten better about sleeping at night which has allowed Brian and I to sleep more. Cameron is our joy. We love him and we love spending time with him. I feel humbled and overwhelmed(at times) to be Cameron's "mommy". It is a great responsibility. We are his caregivers. We are his example. It's not so overwhelming to take care of his physical needs--that's really the easy part. The overwhelming part is to teach Cameron the values we have and hope he makes them his own. I desire to see Cameron love and worship God fully. I want Cameron to take seriously Jesus' command to love God and love others. I know Cameron will make mistakes--we all do. I pray I can show him the grace I have been shown in my life. I pray Cameron knows and feels the love we have for him. I pray for grace and strength as I nurture him and parent him.

This is an amazing journey Brian and I are own--we are learning as we go. It has made me (I can't speak for Brian) to slow down and savor each moment. Cameron's getting older and changing each day. I will never get these moments back and so I cherish each.

Spiritual Formation Retreat

2009-11-01T19:04:00.002-05:00

I spent the last few days at Camp Agape located in Fuquay Varina, North Carolina. I, along with 20 other Campbell Divinity classmates participated in a spiritual formation retreat focused on listening. We participated in different sessions in which we listened to ourselves, others, God, and nature. I can put the experience in only one word: AMAZING. All the sessions were wonderful but my favorite and most challenging was the session on listening to ourselves. We each had to share a story that was just about us. The main person of the story was the individual. It couldn't be focused on other individuals. This was challenging because many of my stories were about other people. The story I chose to tell surprised me, but it was one I had to tell. After each person told his/her story to the small group, the group was to reflect what they heard in the story. They couldn't ask questions but only reflect. It was amazing at how reflecting back really opened the story up and made it deeper. Things came from our stories we weren't expecting. It reminded me of CPE, but this was more personal. We were colleagues sharing very personal stories. I really believe it made us closer. We shared laughter and tears and we each saw one another's vulnerabilities.

The weekend continued with other activities including free time. During my free time, three other classmates and I ventured into the woods. It was great to let my guard down and relax. The walk was refreshing and beautiful. We came to a part of the river where it was shallow enough to walk out into the river on the rocks. It was nice. We also had times of worship and reflection throughout the day. It was similar to the eight offices of prayer that is similar to the Benedictine monks. We all took turns preparing meals and serving one another. It was a time of fellowship and reflection. I had the chance to get to know some of my classmates I didn't know. I made new friends and deepened existing friendships. Friday night, after everything was over, we had the chance to play games. It was fun and humbling to play Mexican Train with my friends and professors. We had lots of laughs that night.

I left Saturday with a bit of a heavy heart. It is hard to re-enter the real world after such a great experience. When I got home, I didn't want to turn on the t.v. or even check my email. I enjoyed and needed to do other things that didn't include technology. I was also kind of sad because my time at Campbell Divinity School is almost over. I'm not ready to leave that place. I will truly miss my classmates and professors. I've learned a lot from my time in Divinity School. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I am forever changed by the last three years at Campbell. Overall, I am grateful for this past weekend. I'm grateful for the time spent with people and professors I have come to cherish and respect.

New blog

2008-09-17T11:47:00.000-04:00

I have a new blog:

apeyduffers.wordpress.com

please read

the gym

2008-06-09T15:28:00.003-04:00

It's ironic that I was at the gym, when I saw the story about the Lord's Gym. It's a gym that caters to Christians. The yoga class is called "yo-god", and another class called "Chariots of Fire." This gym also offers a smoothie called "Flowing with Milk and Honey." A dress code is enforced at Lord's Gym--women are not allowed to wear spaghetti straps and shorts must cover their bottoms. How interesting that those rules single out women but that is a whole other issue. To help fitness members get motivated they can listen to Christian Rock music while working out.

I'm not sure how I feel about a gym that caters to only Christians. I'm not sure why Christians have to separate themselves from the world. Yes, I know we are to live in the world and not of it, but I'm not sure if Christ wants us to completely separate ourselves. The Christian market offers music, books, movies,accessories, and now even a gym that caters to Christians. I thought Christ wanted to minister and reach out to those around us. How can we have conversations or relationships with non-Christians if we separate ourselves. The gym I am member of is wonderful. I enjoy going because I enjoy working out. I have a many opportunities to build relationships with people I see--I see some of the same people every time I go. Fitness Fusion is no Lord's Gym. It is open to Christians and Non-Christians alike. I like it that way because I can meet many interesting people. I'm also glad Fitness Fusion doesn't blast Christian music through it's speaker. I work out a lot better when I'm listening to Red Hot Chile Peppers than the Newsboys. I don't know about the Lord's Gym--it's not all that appealing to me...

sleep

2008-06-02T15:21:00.003-04:00

I'm sitting in Courthouse Coffee watching cars go by and wishing I could lay down on one of these plush couches. Unfortuantley, doing so would be very inappropriate. My need for sleep has led me to think about one of the best nights of sleep I ever had. For the most part my sleep does cause me to feel rested upon waking. However, I have not had a night of sleep like that of four years ago.

During the Summer of 2004 I was serving as a counselor at Camp Mundo Vista and it was my second summer on staff. The first week at camp consisted of training and preparing for campers. Many late nights were put into decorating the cabin and getting to know fellow staffers. The second week at camp for staffers was the first week of campers. Looking back, it was around this time of the month. I remember the first week of camp being full of joy and anticipation. As a veteran counselor, I thought I had most situations under control. I knew how most 9-12 year old girls would react to being away from home. I could handle "IT", "Happy's", and anything else the week through at me. The first week of camp, for me, was good training in itself. As a staff we were able to work out the kinks in order for the rest of the summer to flow well. Light's out were at 10:00 PM for the campers, but it was always an hour or so later that they actually went to sleep. The wake-up time for the girls was about 7:00 AM--of course, it took them a while to actually make it out of the bed. I would wake up 45 minutes earlier to take a shower and get ready. There was no way I could get ready when the girls woke up. A day at camp is action filled and the only time I was away from the girls was about an hour and a half when I had a break. There wasn't much napping during the day, but there was always a lot of action. When the girls left on Friday of the first week, I was tired but I kept pushing myself. We had to clean camp before any of us could leave. That Friday evening, some of us staffers left camp for a few hours. It was so nice to get away and actually see other living breathing adults. I slept well that Friday night. That Saturday, I washed clothes and hung out most of the day. What I remember most, was that evening. By 8:00 PM the week had finally caught up with me--I was extremely exhausted. I remember making a phone call and at 8:30 I could no longer open my eyes. My roommate had went home for the weekend and the cabin was empty. I turned on the AC and my fan. I turned out the lights, and pulled the covers over my head. I was out in no time. I honestly did not move until about 8:30 the next morning. I woke up feeling refreshed. It was truly the best night of sleep I ever had. How I wish I could sleep like that again. I miss camp, and I miss that night of sleep. When I think about that wonderful night of sleep, I smile--it was special. I hope to experience another night of sleep like that, but it will never be as special as that night...I think it's because I was at camp.

the church

2008-05-20T10:39:00.003-04:00

When I lay down to sleep is when random thoughts pop in my head. The reason for this, I'm guessing, is that I actually have time to think about other things besides work. A few nights ago a thought popped in my head about the Church. Some of my greatest joys but greatest disappointments have come from the Church. The church is where I have been nurtured in the faith for many years. It has provided me great examples of what a Disciple of Christ is to be. I have formed many great and lasting relationships through the Church.

On the other side, the Church has afforded me many disappointments. Throughout my life I have seen many people hurt by those claiming to be Christians. In my home church, I saw how selfishness and backstabbing divided the Body of Believers. Those that made up this body were divided on how the church should have been operated. It seemed that everyone wanted what they wanted but no one was willing to sacrifice or compromise.

In the church were I last served as youth minister, I experienced how people were willing to do anything to implement their own agenda. One particular example was how the SS director wanted to replace one youth SS teacher with a "better" one. This included polling the youth to see who they wanted for a teacher. The intention was to get rid of the current SS teacher because the youth did not care for her as a teacher. Instead of being honest with this teacher, the SS director did not tell her or her two teenage daughters about the polling process. These three people were left hurt. Fortunately , they did not leave the church. I was dissapointed at how Christians could be so underhanded and sneaky.

The church where I currently serve has its own set of issues. It is deeply divided and the sting of conflict is felt by the majority of the Body. Many people have been deeply wounded by these last series of events of this church. Once again, I am throughly disappointed by those claiming to be Christians.

Sneakiness, lying, backstabbing, fighting, gossiping, and just plain meanness should not be found in the church. These are found in the world, but there is no excuse for these to be found in the church. I know the church is made up of imperfect people and conflict will happen. However, in my 24 years, I have seen many people broken hearted and disgusted because they have been hurt in churches. It saddens me that this has happened over the years. I know that not every church is like what I have described above, but many churches are.

I am disappointed because I know that we, as Christians, can be better. We don't have to be sneaky or underhanded. We can handle situations differently. Some days, I wonder why I was called to serve in the church--I wonder if I have completely lost my mind...

I have met some wonderful people in the churches I have described. They have been such an encouragement to me...They give me hope that the Church can be different. Maybe one day the disappointments will cease to exists.

the coffee shop

2008-05-12T15:13:00.003-04:00

I'm sitting in Courthouse Coffee sipping on a Mocha and writing this blog. I've been in Burgaw all day. I'm going to an associational WMU meeting tonight and there is no sense in driving back forth from Wallace to Burgaw. I've already worked out and believe me I could fall asleep on this comfortable couch. I enjoy this little town. It's a quaint town that sort of reminds me of Star's Hollow on Gilmore Girls but not as weird. It's the kind of town I've always wanted to live in because it's small enough to be away from the busyness from the city but close enough to the city where you don't feel like you completely live in the middle of nowhere. Don't get me wrong, Wallace is a great place to live but I would like it much better if they weren't building a new McDonald's and if they had a coffee shop such as this.

For now, I'm going to sit on this nice couch and rest for a few minutes and observe people as they walk by. If I had the patience enough to write a novel, I would write one that included a town such as Burgaw. A quaint town nestled in the heart of Eastern North Carolina with Spanish Moss hanging off the mighty oak tree's and not too far from the banks of the Cape Fear River--yes it is the perfect place to write a romance novel. Nicholas Sparks should include this town in one of his novels Maybe if I suggest it, he will write about it...who knows...

2008-05-07T11:55:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I wanted to make it to Burgaw a little early so that I could get a cup of coffee after leaving the post office. I left home a few minutes early in order to get a delicious cup of joe from Court House Coffee. I was headed to work on HWY 117 when I see that traffic in my lane is at a stand still. There is a huge sign on a DOT truck that says, "Right Lane Closed", and I'm thinking, "You think?!" Apparently road crews were placing new reflectors down the middle of the highway...every so often they would go and then stop which made me drive a few feet and then stop. Needless, to say I was frustrated because I was driving on a two lane road and could not pass. I was thinking to myself that I could not drive the next ten miles to Burgaw going only five miles and hour--it would take me two hours to get there. I wanted to let the DOT crew in front of me have it! Then I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all the cars lined up behind me--those people probably were letting these men have it too. The DOT crew was only doing their job and my frustration wasn't going to make them do it any faster. Luckily, the cars in my lane got to a point where we could pass. I made it to Burgaw in enough time to get that cup of coffee.

Life is like that sometimes. We may be headed down the right road and completely prepared to make it through the day, but sometimes we face road blocks or DOT crews. When we face these road blocks in life we get frustrated, angry, upset, and doubtful. All we see is the "Right Lane Closed" sign in front of us. We think we will be on the road forever, but when we least expect it we enter a place when we can make it around the road block. I have had a few of these road blocks along the way and I felt like I would never get past them. Looking back I see that I was not alone in my struggle--although, I was doubtful my Creator was with me. I believe our Creator is with all of us through the journey. The next time you get behind a DOT crew remember it will only be for a short while..you are not alone.

solitude?

2008-05-05T11:10:00.003-04:00

Silence. That is what I'm experiencing at this very moment. The only thing I hear is the ping of the computer keys as I type. The church office has been particularly quiet this morning. The only phone calls I received were from telemarketers. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy have silent moments because I get caught up with work and I can enjoy a few moments of reading. A part from those advantages the silence is a little too much. I would enjoy a few moments of conversation with another human being. Humans are made for relationships. We can't exist individually. Although I am introverted I do need relationships and people in my life. Sometimes it's hard to form those relationships. Maybe the silence is getting to me or maybe it's making me think--I'm not sure which. We can't live this life alone. Jesus didn't call one disiciple he called twelve. Jesus knew that community was important. Those men were there to encourage one another--they were a community, a family of sorts. I'm sure silence was important to them, but they also knew that community was important as well.

We need one another--maybe this is what the silence is teaching me....

reflections

2008-04-30T11:07:00.002-04:00

I can't believe the semester is finally over. I'm excited for a break from school, but I wonder what I'll do with the extra time. I'm scared I'll waste it or fill it by working harder. I should take a little bit of the extra time I have and just relax. I haven't had much time to do that this semester-RELAX. I admit it has been really crazy. So much has happened since January that I can't even put into words. I apologize if I have been somewhat distant--I'm learning not to internalize so much ;). I've managed to get through some difficult times with most of my sanity in tact. I thank you for your prayers and understanding. I could not have gotten through these times without the strength of the Lord and without my friends. Things happen in life that we can't explain. We don't know what these experiences mean. It may take years to look back and see how the pieces fit together.

I hope I can take some time this Summer to reflect back on the past few months. I also hope to make several beach trips--if you want to go to the beach just give me a call-it's not fun to sun all by myself :)

war was a game we played when we were kids...

2008-04-16T13:59:00.002-04:00

I haven't had much time for blogging in the past few weeks. I should be working on other work, as I type this blog, but my mind is filled with other thoughts.

As I opened my eyes last Monday morning, I thought for sure that it would be another "normal" Monday. I was mistaken. When I went into the living room, my mother told me the tragic news. She said, "About 11:00 last night the police department called and said that Emanuel was killed." I replied, "In Iraq?" She said, "Yes April, he was killed in Iraq." You see, Emanuel was a on his second tour of duty in Iraq. He was a Staff Sergeant with the National Guard and was a military policeman. He was from my home town. I didn't know him well, but my father knew him. Emanuel was a police officer for the town of Wallace. He worked part time for Billy's Pork and Beef which is only a block from my home. He was a good guy who not only served his country, but his community. He knew the risk involved with being a solider. Still, that does not eliminate the tragedy of his death. His death has made this war a very personal thing for me and for so many others. On the nightly news, the anchor will usually say how many American soldiers were killed that day in Iraq. When I listened to the news last Monday night, I could put a face and name with one of those numbers.

I wish the fighting could stop. Too many young men and women have lost their lives fighting. I don't think you can make peace with guns or bombs. When I was younger, I would play these war games with my cousins. I wish that the only war we played was a game, but it is not. It's unfortunate that we as people can't get along. I wish there were some other way to negotiate. I learned early in my life that conflicts cannot be resolved by blowing things up.

This is not a blog to debate the war in Iraq. We are fighting the war, and I can't change that. I just wish there were some other way to deal with the conflict. Men like Emanuel, should be able to come back home alive and not in a casket.

Life is short. It's too short to argue about things we can't change. It's too short to hold grudges. Life is too short to be nit picky over silly things. It's a new day...rejoice in that. I know if Emanuel were alive he would say it. Each day is a gift--what are you going to do with it...

You've Got Mail...

2008-04-01T13:56:00.003-04:00

I thought chapel was very good today. Lynn spoke on letting the people you care about know that you care about them. I left chapel with tears in my eyes.

About 11:45 today my mother left me a voice mail. When I heard her voice I knew something was wrong. As I listened I realized why she was so upset. A lady from my home church was killed in a car accident this morning. She was about my parent's age and she has a son a little older than me. Her and her husband were good friends to my parents. I knew her well because I grew up in the church. I guess what I'm feeling is shock and hurt. I'm not sure I have the words to describe how I feel. I guess I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown because life has been so stressful in the last month. Right now, nothing else matters to me. Papers don't matter, tests don't matter, and even reading doesn't matter. Life matters. Why does it take a tragedy for us to realize the preciousness of every breath we breath.

I don't understand why we have to travel roads such as these. I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I know all of these I have experienced in the past month is not about me--but what is it about and why....

Baby

2008-02-28T16:33:00.002-05:00

I was holding my seventh month old cousin, Brodie a few moments ago when it hit me...Brodie looks a lot like Baby off the TV show Dinosaurs. Brodie is not as chubby as Baby, but their eyes do favor...

My cousin is way cuter :)

Love

2008-02-13T16:02:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I don't know what to write. I feel my thoughts are not as deep as many of my colleagues. On the other hand, it is possible that I am not intentional in my thoughts. I often write the first thing that comes to mind.

The thing I am thinking about at the moment is Wal-Mart. Construction will soon begin on a new Super Wal-Mart that will be located across from my home. I cringe when I think about this. In the past, I've been a fan of these stores. Where else can you get groceries, underwear, DVDs, and your tires changed all at the same time. These stores allow the consumer to shop at very low prices. What about the little man? How will this store affect the downtown merchants in Wallace? Will people even need to go downtown when they can get everything from Super Wal-Mart? Will people lose their jobs? How will this construction affect the environmental stability in the area? Will little creatures be displaced and will these little animals(such as field mice) try to share my home? Will traffic flow increase(duh!)?

Yes, this store will provide many jobs(at minimum wage and little benefits), and the opportunity for more retail chains and restaurants to move into the area.

What saddens me the most is that our society is so consumer driven. Why can't we be content with what we have? Why is it so important for people to have more stuff that they can't take with them when they go? It's sad that the gap is widening between the rich and poor. It's equally sad that many people can't afford health care who desperately need it. When I was younger it was unusual to see homeless people in small towns, but now I see them all the time. I ask myself what can be done. I don't know. I wish I had the answers and I wish I could fix it. Will I choose to take the rope and try to make a difference or will I make it someone else's responsibility.

2008-01-30T10:51:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine decided he would go sky-diving on his 21st birthday. He made his reservation and paid his money. When his birthday came, he boarded the plane to make the amazing jump. However, he did not make the jump that day or any day thereafter. When it came time to jump fear overtook him. I suppose he decided that it was not cool to have nothing between his body and the earth. The odds that the parachute would work was in his favor. However, it was the small chance that the parachute would not open kept my friend on the plane. Needless to say, my friend was paralyzed by fear.

Fear is a four letter word that at some point has paralyzed all of us. I will be the first to admit that fear has kept me from doing extraordinary things.

I jokingly asked a friend of mine if she thought I was a reserved person. I knew the answer to the question before I even asked. Yes, I am a very reserved person. My fear of failure has kept me from trying new things. It has kept me from creativity I know I have. Fear has kept me from standing up for what I believe in or addressing conflict I know needs addressing. In some ways, fear has even hindered my ministry. I'm so afraid of screwing up that I don't even try. In my fear I have failed because I HAVE NOT tried.

I know I am not alone in my fear. I know that most people would say that one point or another they have been paralyzed by fear. I want to live a life with few regrets as possible. I don't want to regret the things I haven't done, the chances I haven't took, and the relationships I didn't make.

Jesus did not let fear stop him in his ministry. Jesus went against the grain of him time. I have the choice of how fear affects me--I can choose to let life go on around me or I can choose life.

2008-01-25T13:51:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know I haven't written a blog in over a month. The past four weeks have been extremely busy. I guess that is what I get for working, going to school, and trying to have social life. I will definitely write when I find the time. I was thinking how cool it would be to take a trip to the Islands...I can feel the warm tropical air on my palely white skin...

Christmas Magic

2007-12-19T11:43:00.000-05:00

My 9 year old cousin, Makayla, and I were having an intriguing conversation about Christmas several days ago. Much to my surprise, Makayla is questioning the validity of Santa Clause. When I heard this, my heart broke a little. At that moment, I realized that Makayla was growing up and entering the world of adolescence. She is no longer the baby I once held in my arms. I was at the hospital the day she was born, and I have always felt a strong connection to her. Nine years old is the age where a child does question the validity of Santa Clause. I suppose it is a natural process. At nine years of age, a child can start reasoning at a higher level.

I don't want Makayla to lose the magic of Christmas. She and I both know the true meaning of Christmas, but there is something magical about waiting for Santa. I remember several sleepless Christmas Eve's when I anticipated Santa. It was a magical moment. I'm not terribly sad that Makayla doesn't really believe in Santa. I'm sad because her childhood innocence is slowly being lost. Makayla can see the world for what it really is. She already knows the injustice and inequality that is in our society. She is beginning to realize that life is tough. This is what saddens me the most. I want to protect Makayla as much as I can, but in many ways I can't. It is natural for children to grow up. I wish I could keep them little forever. Maybe somewhere in our hearts, we can hold onto the magic and innocence. Maybe, just maybe...

Peppermint Hot Chocolate

2007-11-28T16:44:00.000-05:00

I love chocolate and I love peppermint. When these two are mixed together it is like heaven. If you never had Peppermint Hot Chocolate you are missing out. I suppose you would have to like chocolate and peppermint in order to enjoy this drink. When the thick liquid hits your tongue, you can taste the sweetness of the chocolate and the crispness of the peppermint. It is an amazing mixture. It is like Christmas in a cup.

I must admit this beverage is one my guilty pleasures. If this drink were alcoholic you could say I was addicted. This drink is one of the many things I enjoy about Christmas. When I sip this beverage, I am reminded of the many wonderful Christmases of the past. I think of my grandfather dressing up as Santa Clause and giving us our gifts. I am reminded of those trips to the Christmas tree farm to select the perfect tree. I remember the Christmas Eve Services I attended. Most of all I am reminded of what Christmas is really about. The greatest thing about Christmas does not cup. The greatest gift came in a filthy manger 2000 years ago. That trumps Peppermint Hot Chocolate any day.

where did my pot go?

2007-11-28T09:30:00.000-05:00

In Tampa, Florida , a highway cleanup crew found 60 pounds of pot on the side of the road. The Florida Highway Patrol says this pot has a $54,000 street value. Some of the marijuana plants were freshly picked. The marijuana was either thrown off the vehicle or it fell. I'm siding with the later. I'm not an expert on pot or any other illegal narcotic, but I don't think someone would let that much money go on purpose. I know I wouldn't.

This story is humorous but sad. Many people struggle with substance abuse problems. These addictions have led to loss of relationships, job, and life. What is the church doing to help these people? In many cases, churches aren't doing anything. It's easier to shun addicts than it is to help them. I guess churches believe it's to messy of a process. Didn't Jesus say that following him would be messy? I believe he did. Loving our neighbor includes loving those who struggle with addictions. Jesus loves them. Why can't we?

Story and photo are courtesy of Yahoo.

The Weekend

2007-11-26T13:06:00.000-05:00

In a few short weeks, we will celebrate Christmas. Christmas is a special time of year for many people. It is one of my favorite times of the year. I love looking at the Christmas lights and enjoying the tasty treats of the season. As I write this, I am aware of my selfishness as a human being. I am ashamed of my actions.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I, along with several other church members, had the opportunity to travel to the Operation Christmas Child distribution center in Charlotte, North Carolina. The center is a collection for thousands of shoe boxes. These shoe boxes are filled with toys, school supplies, clothing items, and hygiene items. These boxes will be distributed to millions of boys and girls around the world. At this collection center, volunteers from around the country come to inspect the boxes making sure they are filled with the appropriate items. For two days, I was one of those volunteers. As I was inspecting each box, I thought about all the "stuff" I had. I have much more than I need. At at that moment, I realized that I would not be satisfied with a shoebox full of little trinkets. I want so much more than that. I am a selfish person. There are so many people around me that have so little. Yet I complain, when my parents say that an IPod Touch is out of the question for Christmas.

In this selfishness the true meaning of Christmas is lost. The greatest gift has been given to me and that is Jesus Christ. He is the greatest gift I can show someone else. God does not care about the "stuff" I receive for Christmas. God is more concern with the love and generosity that is shown to others.

We all struggle with this selfishness at some point. I pray that we keep our eyes on the true meaning of Christmas. I pray we learn to give of ourselves every day of our lives.

Big Bug...oh my!

2007-11-21T09:56:00.000-05:00

As I was browsing the news this morning, I ran across this eye catching story. Scientists have found a fossil of an enormous bug. This bug is the cousin of our present day scorpion. This scorpion was over eight feet tall. That's three feet taller than me. Yikes!
What I find amazing is that insects of that time were enormous. Many of them were the size of present day human beings. We think these things exist only in science fiction movies, but they in fact existed millions and millions of years ago. These creatures did not have natural enemies therefore they were around for a long time. The scorpions were cannibals that fought against one another.
I think this story is truly amazing and humorous. I am afraid of insects and spiders. I fear creatures that are a few centimeters long. If I came across an eight foot bug I would pass out. There is no way I could fly swat something that big.
I think God has a sense of humor to create something of this magnitude. I'm grateful I wasn't around to see this creation. I would have been bug food.

Photo is courtesy of Yahoo

smells...

2007-10-13T18:44:00.000-04:00

I often associate smells with places, people, or things whom have impacted my life. When I smell exhaust from a truck I am reminded of Trinidad. The summer of my senior year of high school I went on a mission immersion experience to the country of Trinidad. This trip had a profound impact on my life. It got me thinking about certain aspects of my faith.

When I catch a scent of chewing tobacco I am reminded of my grandfather. He chewed tobacco my entire life. When I smell it I smile because I have fond memories of my late grandfather.

When I smell manure of hog farm on a sultry humid day I am reminded of Wallace. Wallace is the town where I grew up. It is in Duplin County which is one of the largest livestock operations in the country. Smell the money. Wallace, population 3,364, is my home.

As I walking into my kitchen moments ago, I caught a faint smell of perfume. I immediately smiled because it reminded so much of my best friend. She wears different kinds of fragances. I don't get to see as much as I would like, but tonight I felt closer to her.

We often take the sense of smell for granted. I am grateful for being able to smell. It reminds of what I need to be reminded of....

2007-10-11T16:28:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I visited Mrs. Katherine and Mr. Clarence. They are members at Burgaw Baptist where I work. Mrs. Katherine is hooked up to a feeding tube because she can't swallow. She can't swallow because of the chemotherapy and radiation she took for esophageal cancer. When I leave from my visits with them I'm always in better spirits. They are pillars of strength. I complain too much about silly things. Mrs. Katherine has had this feeding tube for months but she never complains. She always says, "I'm going to get better." She never complains about her situation because she knows it could be worse. Mr. Clarence never complains about taking care of her. He's done majority of the domestic duties during the duration of her illness. He said when he took his vows on his wedding day he meant them...in sickness or in health...

They have an amazing testimony. I've only known them for a few months, but I thank God for them. They've taught me to keep going even when life is tough.

For as long as we both shall live....

2007-10-04T16:32:00.000-04:00

It has been a frustrating week. What else can I say? Trying to juggle both school work and church work is challenging to say the least. If I show school work more attention my church work is affected negatively and vice versa. I knew from the beginning what to expect with my school work. My assignments were spelled out the first day of the semester. I don't have too many surprises at school. Working in a church is a altogether a different story. I do what is in my job description, but there are always surprises. In recent weeks I have been handed extra work at church. I wonder if people actually know I am in graduate school. School, in it itself, is a full time job. Yesterday, I was at my breaking point. I could have walked out of the office and never looked back. Looking back, that is a decision I would regret. In reality I love where I work. Everyone treats me well and most are very supporting.

Where am I going with this?

I don't know. I'm not nearly experiencing the stress today as I have earlier this week. Last night, I needed a reality check. I was feeling sorry for myself. What good was that going to do? I've been teaching my youth that they are all wonderful creations made by an amazing creator. Funny I teach this because I don't always believe it. In fact, I sometimes question my belief in God. Yes, that is what I said. It's hard for me to believe when I see suffering and pain. One day in July, I stopped believing. I watched my grandfather suffer from one of the most aggressive and painful cancers around. The last two weeks of his life he couldn't keep food or liquids down. His body was engulfed with the worst pain imaginable. I heard him say, "I want to live, I want to live." He prayed and prayed he would get better. Yet, he died. He was one of the most honorable and bravest men I've ever met who I miss terribly. The day he died was the day I stopped believing...for a while.

I still struggle with unbelief, but at the end of the day I know God exists. During the moments of my unbelief, I hear a still small voice that says, "April, just trust me." I know where this voice comes from. When my unbelief is at its highest is when I experience God the most. This has come in a sunset, the laugh of children, a beautiful fall day, and many other times. He comes when I least expect it. God speaks to me through others around me. Little Hayes jumps in my lap, puts his arms around my neck, and his head on my shoulder. I squeeze him tight and say, "Hayes, I love you so much." I know the love I have for Hayes is not something I've created on my own. It comes from my magnificent creator. My Abba, My Friend. My unbelief is shattered and I have faith like a child....

2007-09-29T16:39:00.000-04:00

Why is my blood pressure 157/85?

new blog...

2007-09-22T16:48:00.000-04:00

Over the years I have written in several blogs. As time passed my interest in those blogs fizzled, and I simply stopped writing. However, I must have a blog for Ministry of Writing. Once again my thoughts will become public.

I love Saturdays in the fall. The main reason being college football. I love football and have every since I was six years old. My older cousin cheered for the high school team(Wallace-Rose Hill Bulldogs) and my mother took me to almost every game. Since I am female one would think I would want to be a cheerleader--not me. I didn't fall in love with cheering, I fell in love with the game of football. I was much more envious of the guys playing than I was of Amy cheering. I didn't see why I couldn't play. At six years old, I was already aware of gender roles and how unfair they could be. I didn't see why girls couldn't play football.

I'm 23 and still very much in love with the game. I love watching Notre Dame football, but unfortunately the team is off to a bad start....I guess I better get back to watching them lose...