reflections

I can't believe the semester is finally over.  I'm excited for a break from school, but I wonder what I'll do with the extra time.  I'm scared I'll waste it or fill it by working harder.  I should take a little bit of the extra time I have and just relax.  I haven't had much time to do that this semester-RELAX.  I admit it has been really crazy.  So much has happened since January that I can't even put into words.  I apologize if I have been somewhat distant--I'm learning not to internalize so much ;).  I've managed to get through some difficult times with most of my sanity in tact.  I thank you for your prayers and understanding.  I could not have gotten through these times without the strength of the Lord and without my friends. Things happen in life that we can't explain.  We don't know what these experiences mean.  It may take years to look back and see how the pieces fit together.  

I hope I can take some time this Summer to reflect back on the past few months.  I also hope to make several beach trips--if you want to go to the beach just give me a call-it's not fun to sun all by myself :)

war was a game we played when we were kids...

I haven't had much time for blogging in the past few weeks.  I should be working on other work, as I type this blog, but my mind is filled with other thoughts.

As I opened my eyes last Monday morning, I thought for sure that it would be another "normal" Monday.  I was mistaken.  When I went into the living room, my mother told me the tragic news.  She said, "About 11:00 last night the police department called and said that Emanuel was killed."  I replied, "In Iraq?" She said, "Yes April, he was killed in Iraq."  You see, Emanuel was a on his second tour of duty in Iraq.  He was a Staff Sergeant with the National Guard and was a military policeman.  He was from my home town.  I didn't know him well, but my father knew him.  Emanuel was a police officer for the town of Wallace.  He worked part time for Billy's Pork and Beef which is only a block from my home.  He was a good guy who not only served his country, but his community.  He knew the risk involved with being a solider.  Still, that does not eliminate the tragedy of his death.  His death has made this war a very personal thing for me and for so many others.  On the nightly news, the anchor will usually say how many American soldiers were killed that day in Iraq.  When I listened to the news last Monday night, I could put a face and name with one of those numbers.

I wish the fighting could stop.  Too many young men and women have lost their lives fighting.  I don't think you can make peace with guns or bombs.  When I was younger, I would play these war games with my cousins.  I wish that the only war we played was a game, but it is not.  It's unfortunate that we as people can't get along.  I wish there were some other way to negotiate.  I learned early in my life that conflicts cannot be resolved by blowing things up.  

This is not a blog to debate the war in Iraq.  We are fighting the war, and I can't change that.  I just wish there were some other way to deal with the conflict.  Men like Emanuel, should be able to come back home alive and not in a casket.  

Life is short.  It's too short to argue about things we can't change.  It's too short to hold grudges.  Life is too short to be nit picky over silly things.  It's a new day...rejoice in that.  I know if Emanuel were alive he would say it.  Each day is a gift--what are you going to do with it...

You've Got Mail...

I thought chapel was very good today.  Lynn spoke on letting the people you care about know that you care about them.  I left chapel with tears in my eyes.

About 11:45 today my mother left me a voice mail.  When I heard her voice I knew something was wrong.  As I listened I realized why she was so upset.  A lady from my home church was killed in a car accident this morning.  She was about my parent's age and she has a son a little older than me.  Her and her husband were good friends to my parents.  I knew her well because I grew up in the church.  I guess what I'm feeling is shock and hurt.  I'm not sure I have the words to describe how I feel.  I guess I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown because life has been so stressful in the last month.  Right now, nothing else matters to me.  Papers don't matter, tests don't matter, and even reading doesn't matter.  Life matters.  Why does it take a tragedy for us to realize the preciousness of every breath we breath.

 

I don't understand why we have to travel roads such as these.  I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I know all of these I have experienced in the past month is not about me--but what is it about and why....