the church

When I lay down to sleep is when random thoughts pop in my head.  The reason for this, I'm guessing, is that I actually have time to think about other things besides work.  A few nights ago a thought popped in my head about the Church.  Some of my greatest joys but greatest disappointments have come from the Church.  The church is where I have been nurtured in the faith for many years.  It has provided me great examples of what a Disciple of Christ is to be.  I have formed many great and lasting relationships through the Church.

On the other side, the Church has afforded me many disappointments.  Throughout my life I have seen many people hurt by those claiming to be Christians.  In my home church, I saw how selfishness and backstabbing divided the Body of Believers.  Those that made up this body were divided on how the church should have been operated.  It seemed that everyone wanted what they wanted but no one was willing to sacrifice or compromise.  

In the church were I last served as youth minister, I experienced how people were willing to do anything to implement their own agenda.  One particular example was how the SS director wanted to replace one youth SS teacher with a "better" one.  This included polling the youth to see who they wanted for a teacher.  The intention was to get rid of the current SS teacher because the youth did not care for her as a teacher.  Instead of being honest with this teacher, the SS director did not tell her or her two teenage daughters about the polling process.  These three people were left hurt.  Fortunately , they did not leave the church.  I was dissapointed at how Christians could be so underhanded and sneaky.  

The church where I currently serve has its own set of issues.  It is deeply divided and the sting of conflict is felt by the majority of the Body.  Many people have been deeply wounded by these last series of events of this church.  Once again, I am throughly disappointed by those claiming to be Christians. 

Sneakiness, lying, backstabbing, fighting, gossiping, and just plain meanness should not be found in the church.  These are found in the world, but there is no excuse for these to be found in the church.  I know the church is made up of imperfect people and conflict will happen.  However, in my 24 years, I have seen many people broken hearted and disgusted because they have been hurt in churches.  It saddens me that this has happened over the years.  I know that not every church is like what I have described above, but many churches are.

I am disappointed because I know that we, as Christians, can be better.  We don't have to be sneaky or underhanded.  We can handle situations differently.  Some days, I wonder why I was called to serve in the church--I wonder if I have completely lost my mind...

I have met some wonderful people in the churches I have described.  They have been such an encouragement to me...They give me hope that the Church can be different.  Maybe one day the disappointments will cease to exists.  

the coffee shop

I'm sitting in Courthouse Coffee sipping on a Mocha and writing this blog.  I've been in Burgaw all day.  I'm going to an associational WMU meeting tonight and there is no sense in driving back forth from Wallace to Burgaw.  I've already worked out and believe me I could fall asleep on this comfortable couch.  I enjoy this little town.  It's a quaint town that sort of reminds me of Star's Hollow on Gilmore Girls but not as weird.  It's the kind of town I've always wanted to live in because it's small enough to be away from the busyness from the city but close enough to the city where you don't feel like you completely live in the middle of nowhere.  Don't get me wrong, Wallace is a great place to live but I would like it much better if they weren't building a new McDonald's and if they had a coffee shop such as this.  

For now, I'm going to sit on this nice couch and rest for a few minutes and observe people as they walk by.  If I had the patience enough to write a novel, I would write one that included a town such as Burgaw.  A quaint town nestled in the heart of Eastern North Carolina with Spanish Moss hanging off the mighty oak tree's and not too far from the banks of the Cape Fear River--yes it is the perfect place to write a romance novel.  Nicholas Sparks should include this town in one of his novels  Maybe if I suggest it, he will write about it...who knows...

Yesterday, I wanted to make it to Burgaw a little early so that I could get a cup of coffee after leaving the post office.  I left home a few minutes early in order to get a delicious cup of joe from Court House Coffee.  I was headed to work on HWY 117 when I see that traffic in my lane is at a stand still.  There is a huge sign on a DOT truck that says, "Right Lane Closed", and I'm thinking, "You think?!"  Apparently road crews were placing new reflectors down the middle of the highway...every so often they would go and then stop which made me drive a few feet and then stop.  Needless, to say I was frustrated because I was driving on a two lane road and could not pass.  I was thinking to myself that I could not drive the next ten miles to Burgaw going only five miles and hour--it would take me two hours to get there.  I wanted to let the DOT crew in front of me have it!  Then I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all the cars lined up behind me--those people probably were letting these men have it too.  The DOT crew was only doing their job and my frustration wasn't going to make them do it any faster.  Luckily, the cars in my lane got to a point where we could pass.  I made it to Burgaw in enough time to get that cup of coffee.

Life is like that sometimes.  We may be headed down the right road and completely prepared to make it through the day, but sometimes we face road blocks or DOT crews.  When we face these road blocks in life we get frustrated, angry, upset, and doubtful.  All we see is the "Right Lane Closed" sign in front of us.  We think we will be on the road forever, but when we least expect it we enter a place when we can make it around the road block.  I have had a few of these road blocks along the way and I felt like I would never get past them.  Looking back I see that I was not alone in my struggle--although, I was doubtful my Creator was with me.  I believe our Creator is with all of us through the journey.  The next time you get behind a DOT crew remember it will only be for a short while..you are not alone.

solitude?

Silence.  That is what I'm experiencing at this very moment.  The only thing I hear is the ping of the computer keys as I type.  The church office has been particularly quiet this morning.  The only phone calls I received were from telemarketers.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy have silent moments because I get caught up with work and I can enjoy a few moments of reading.  A part from those advantages the silence is a little too much.  I would enjoy a few moments of conversation with another human being.  Humans are made for relationships.  We can't exist individually.  Although I am introverted I do need relationships and people in my life.  Sometimes it's hard to form those relationships.  Maybe the silence is getting to me or maybe it's making me think--I'm not sure which.  We can't live this life alone.  Jesus didn't call one disiciple he called twelve.  Jesus knew that community was important.  Those men were there to encourage one another--they were a community, a family of sorts.  I'm sure silence was important to them, but they also knew that community was important as well.

We need one another--maybe this is what the silence is teaching me....