Yesterday, I wanted to make it to Burgaw a little early so that I could get a cup of coffee after leaving the post office.  I left home a few minutes early in order to get a delicious cup of joe from Court House Coffee.  I was headed to work on HWY 117 when I see that traffic in my lane is at a stand still.  There is a huge sign on a DOT truck that says, "Right Lane Closed", and I'm thinking, "You think?!"  Apparently road crews were placing new reflectors down the middle of the highway...every so often they would go and then stop which made me drive a few feet and then stop.  Needless, to say I was frustrated because I was driving on a two lane road and could not pass.  I was thinking to myself that I could not drive the next ten miles to Burgaw going only five miles and hour--it would take me two hours to get there.  I wanted to let the DOT crew in front of me have it!  Then I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all the cars lined up behind me--those people probably were letting these men have it too.  The DOT crew was only doing their job and my frustration wasn't going to make them do it any faster.  Luckily, the cars in my lane got to a point where we could pass.  I made it to Burgaw in enough time to get that cup of coffee.

Life is like that sometimes.  We may be headed down the right road and completely prepared to make it through the day, but sometimes we face road blocks or DOT crews.  When we face these road blocks in life we get frustrated, angry, upset, and doubtful.  All we see is the "Right Lane Closed" sign in front of us.  We think we will be on the road forever, but when we least expect it we enter a place when we can make it around the road block.  I have had a few of these road blocks along the way and I felt like I would never get past them.  Looking back I see that I was not alone in my struggle--although, I was doubtful my Creator was with me.  I believe our Creator is with all of us through the journey.  The next time you get behind a DOT crew remember it will only be for a short while..you are not alone.

solitude?

Silence.  That is what I'm experiencing at this very moment.  The only thing I hear is the ping of the computer keys as I type.  The church office has been particularly quiet this morning.  The only phone calls I received were from telemarketers.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy have silent moments because I get caught up with work and I can enjoy a few moments of reading.  A part from those advantages the silence is a little too much.  I would enjoy a few moments of conversation with another human being.  Humans are made for relationships.  We can't exist individually.  Although I am introverted I do need relationships and people in my life.  Sometimes it's hard to form those relationships.  Maybe the silence is getting to me or maybe it's making me think--I'm not sure which.  We can't live this life alone.  Jesus didn't call one disiciple he called twelve.  Jesus knew that community was important.  Those men were there to encourage one another--they were a community, a family of sorts.  I'm sure silence was important to them, but they also knew that community was important as well.

We need one another--maybe this is what the silence is teaching me....

reflections

I can't believe the semester is finally over.  I'm excited for a break from school, but I wonder what I'll do with the extra time.  I'm scared I'll waste it or fill it by working harder.  I should take a little bit of the extra time I have and just relax.  I haven't had much time to do that this semester-RELAX.  I admit it has been really crazy.  So much has happened since January that I can't even put into words.  I apologize if I have been somewhat distant--I'm learning not to internalize so much ;).  I've managed to get through some difficult times with most of my sanity in tact.  I thank you for your prayers and understanding.  I could not have gotten through these times without the strength of the Lord and without my friends. Things happen in life that we can't explain.  We don't know what these experiences mean.  It may take years to look back and see how the pieces fit together.  

I hope I can take some time this Summer to reflect back on the past few months.  I also hope to make several beach trips--if you want to go to the beach just give me a call-it's not fun to sun all by myself :)

war was a game we played when we were kids...

I haven't had much time for blogging in the past few weeks.  I should be working on other work, as I type this blog, but my mind is filled with other thoughts.

As I opened my eyes last Monday morning, I thought for sure that it would be another "normal" Monday.  I was mistaken.  When I went into the living room, my mother told me the tragic news.  She said, "About 11:00 last night the police department called and said that Emanuel was killed."  I replied, "In Iraq?" She said, "Yes April, he was killed in Iraq."  You see, Emanuel was a on his second tour of duty in Iraq.  He was a Staff Sergeant with the National Guard and was a military policeman.  He was from my home town.  I didn't know him well, but my father knew him.  Emanuel was a police officer for the town of Wallace.  He worked part time for Billy's Pork and Beef which is only a block from my home.  He was a good guy who not only served his country, but his community.  He knew the risk involved with being a solider.  Still, that does not eliminate the tragedy of his death.  His death has made this war a very personal thing for me and for so many others.  On the nightly news, the anchor will usually say how many American soldiers were killed that day in Iraq.  When I listened to the news last Monday night, I could put a face and name with one of those numbers.

I wish the fighting could stop.  Too many young men and women have lost their lives fighting.  I don't think you can make peace with guns or bombs.  When I was younger, I would play these war games with my cousins.  I wish that the only war we played was a game, but it is not.  It's unfortunate that we as people can't get along.  I wish there were some other way to negotiate.  I learned early in my life that conflicts cannot be resolved by blowing things up.  

This is not a blog to debate the war in Iraq.  We are fighting the war, and I can't change that.  I just wish there were some other way to deal with the conflict.  Men like Emanuel, should be able to come back home alive and not in a casket.  

Life is short.  It's too short to argue about things we can't change.  It's too short to hold grudges.  Life is too short to be nit picky over silly things.  It's a new day...rejoice in that.  I know if Emanuel were alive he would say it.  Each day is a gift--what are you going to do with it...

You've Got Mail...

I thought chapel was very good today.  Lynn spoke on letting the people you care about know that you care about them.  I left chapel with tears in my eyes.

About 11:45 today my mother left me a voice mail.  When I heard her voice I knew something was wrong.  As I listened I realized why she was so upset.  A lady from my home church was killed in a car accident this morning.  She was about my parent's age and she has a son a little older than me.  Her and her husband were good friends to my parents.  I knew her well because I grew up in the church.  I guess what I'm feeling is shock and hurt.  I'm not sure I have the words to describe how I feel.  I guess I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown because life has been so stressful in the last month.  Right now, nothing else matters to me.  Papers don't matter, tests don't matter, and even reading doesn't matter.  Life matters.  Why does it take a tragedy for us to realize the preciousness of every breath we breath.

 

I don't understand why we have to travel roads such as these.  I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I know all of these I have experienced in the past month is not about me--but what is it about and why....

  

Baby

I was holding my seventh month old cousin, Brodie a few moments ago when it hit me...Brodie looks a lot like Baby off the TV show Dinosaurs.  Brodie is not as chubby as Baby, but their eyes do favor...

My cousin is way cuter :)

Love

Sometimes I don't know what to write.  I feel my thoughts are not as deep as many of my colleagues.  On the other hand, it is possible that I am not intentional in my thoughts.  I often write the first thing that comes to mind.  

The thing I am thinking about at the moment is Wal-Mart.  Construction will soon begin on a new Super Wal-Mart that will be located across from my home.  I cringe when I think about this.  In the past, I've been a fan of these stores.  Where else can you get groceries, underwear, DVDs, and your tires changed all at the same time.  These stores allow the consumer to shop at very low prices.  What about the little man?  How will this store affect the downtown merchants in Wallace?  Will people even need to go downtown when they can get everything from Super Wal-Mart?  Will people lose their jobs?  How will this construction affect the environmental stability in the area?  Will little creatures be displaced and will these little animals(such as field mice) try to share my home?  Will traffic flow increase(duh!)?  

Yes, this store will provide many jobs(at minimum wage and little benefits), and the opportunity for more retail chains and restaurants to move into the area.  

What saddens me the most is that our society is so consumer driven.  Why can't we be content with what we have?  Why is it so important for people to have more stuff that they can't take with them when they go?  It's sad that the gap is widening between the rich and poor.  It's equally sad that many people can't afford health care who desperately need it.  When I was younger it was unusual to see homeless people in small towns, but now I see them all the time.  I ask myself what can be done.  I don't know.  I wish I had the answers and I wish I could fix it.  Will I choose to take the rope and try to make a difference or will I make it someone else's responsibility.